No new developments overnight. I keep waiting for the doctor to call and tell me that those fabulous test results weren’t mine. Believe me, I am so not looking this gift horse in the mouth.
It is weird feeling fine and knowing that there’s cancer in my body. And, in less than 2 weeks, I’m going to feel like crap, but technically be healthier than I am now.
We’ve been upfront with the boys. We told them all about the breast cancer the first time around. Unfortunately we set their expectations, much as ours had been set, believing that things would be cured with surgery. We then had to tell them it was back. That was very difficult.
Since my first surgery, an acquaintance of ours died of metastatic cancer. The boys never really knew her, but her kids are in school with mine, and they rode the bus together. They knew her cancer had started in one place and spread all over, including to her brain.
When we told our boys that my cancer was back, E, my 7 year old said “Hurry up and get it out Mom! If it gets to your brain, you’re going to die.” It broke my heart hearing the worry and anguish in his voice, but not being able to do anything but give him hollow assurances that we were doing all we could. And then with the test results, sweet tears of relief for all of us.
One of the things that became crystal clear in the 2 weeks of waiting and reevaluating, was how much time and worry we spend on things that just aren’t important. All I want to do is love my husband, enjoy my kids and savor every minute of this time.
Annette Saldana said,
October 22, 2009 at 4:14 am
Wow, I am so there with you…. I’ve read your entire blog. Your writing is beautiful, I’m inspired by your courage and will hug all my babies (boys) a little tighter in the morning because of you. You never did miss an opportunity to contribute. I trust if you need me for ANYTHING you will reach out with marching orders. You and C can do that any time of day or night. With love….
A