My Name is Not Cancer Girl

It’s not my hair. It is a wig, and a synthetic one at that. I picked up my second wig Wednesday and wore it out in public. I felt-what’s the word-normal, maybe?

It’s an odd, unsettling, disconcerting sensation to look in the mirror and not recognize the person that’s sitting there in your clothes staring back at you. There’s something familiar about the face, but it’s just not right. Between the hair, the slightly swollen steroid face and the changes in skin texture, it’s just not quite the me I’m used to seeing.

So it was a fun diversion from the new normal when I put on that wig yesterday and felt like a person that could blend in anywhere. C and I went out on a date last night and I didn’t feel every eye in the restaurant turn away so that I wouldn’t think that they were staring.

Let me tell you a few truths I’ve found in my 5 hours of sporting my wig. First, it is hot. The cap of the wig is designed to suck down to your head without squeezing it too tight. It is then covered with many nylon fibers making up the hair. It is warm and it doesn’t breathe too well.

Second, and I assume it’ll be better when all my hair falls out, it is itchy. I would have ripped it off my head a few times to scratch, but I think a few of the very proper ladies that were at Chequers last night would have got the vapors and needed resuscitating.

Thirdly, the wig moves. Not a big surprise, since it is removeable. But, it shifts a lot. Wigs have these metal tabs woven into the cap to help center it side-to-side on the head. Although they’re called ear tabs they sit closer to the temples. These help a lot, but they do nothing to help with the front to back shifting that happens too. I must have had 3 to 4 different hairlines last night as I adjusted things into the evening.

I have to say, I was surprised by how much better I felt psychologically having the wig on. I didn’t expect it, but it was a nice change of pace. Is it worth the effort to wear one everyday? I don’t know the answer to that. I have friends that wore their wigs every day and I have friends that wore them only on special occasions. For me, I imagine that it will depend in my mood in the morning and what my plans are for the day.

And it still doesn’t look like me. My hair was much bigger, bolder and untamed. But when I want to blend in, find some anonymity, it is a great option.