My Name is Not Cancer Girl

Sometimes I forget that my kids are watching and learning as we navigate through this morass of tests, reports and treatments. Every once in a while, one of the boys will bust out with something funny, insightful or touching and I realize just how much they’re taking in. It makes me both proud and sad that they’ve learned so much….I wish they never had to learn these lessons, but I am so proud of the little men that they’re becoming.

Here are a smattering of stories:

Right before we had to put Al down, she began to shed. This was something that she did twice every year since she was a puppy. We usually had her shaved down to help with the fur balls that took over the house, but we knew that she wasn’t feeling well and just dealt with the random hair. We also had just discussed with the boys about chemotherapy and what some of the side effects of my specific chemo would be. Our littlest boy, 5 year-old L, came home from Kindergarten one day and saw the hairballs and said “Mommy, look Al is having chemotherapy.” I laughed until I cried, how funny that he put that together.

In September, right before we celebrated the Jewish New Year, I each of the boys what they were going to ask God to provide for the upcoming year. J, the oldest, said “I will pray that God makes me a better person.” L said “I pray for a Happy New Year.” E, our second, said “I pray for a cure for all cancers.”

Last little story for the day…shortly after I was rediagnosed, I was tucking E in for bed one night and we were talking about what he wanted to be when he grew up. He said, “I want to create a robot and a shrink ray. I would build the robot and then shrink it down with the shrink ray. The robot would go into someone’s body and find all the cancer cells and kill them.” You know, that son of mine could do it too.

Sometimes I worry that these boys are learning too much at too young and age, but then I realize that these lessons are shaping them into men that will make a lasting difference in the world around them. They will be funny, compassionate, thoughtful and able to do the laundry. What more could I hope to instill in them?