My Name is Not Cancer Girl

I am sitting in my recliner at chemo and wondering how life happened before the miracles of modern technology and medicine. I’m tired and really should close my eyes to sleep, but I’m down to less than an hour in the chair and it just doesn’t seem worth it.

I did speak to Dr. A about the depression on Saturday/Sunday and she offered 2 options. First, she doesn’t think it’s the anti-emetics, instead she thinks it’s likely the steroids. So, I can either go on an antidepressant all the time (which I really don’t want to do to manage the 2 days a cycle that I’m feeling blue), or we can try to lower the steroid dose. We are going to try that this cycle and see if that makes a difference. Unfortunately, Dr. A did indicate that this is a fairly common issue for people going through chemo. But, with today being cycle 4, that means I’ll have only 2 more rounds left. Two rounds left. So effing excited that today is 2/3 done.

Next, thank you so much for your name suggestions for my wig. I have shortened the list down to 7 names. I will see if I can shorten it even more tonight. Tomorrow I will give the boys the top contenders so that they can pick the winner

Goodness, I’m skipping all over the place today, and while I hate to, I’m going to end on a well-meant admonishment, because it’s my blog, and I can. I really hate how much people are keeping from me. I’m not talking about my doctors, I’m talking about my friends who don’t want to trouble me with things going on in their lives.

Like my friend J who has taken my youngest for more playdates than I care to admit. And who, about 2 weeks after the fact, I found out was in the hospital for 7 days with cellulitis. I don’t know whether it was a week I could have helped out too much or not, but I would have made an effort to take her son for a play date, or at least sent a meal over.

Then, there’s another family who I just found out that the Mom is having some health issues and will be out of town for upto 2 months. And, while there are things that I can’t or wont do, there are certainly things that I can help with: sending a meal or taking their kindergartner for a playdate, or something. People have been so generous with us, I want to give back.

I’m not offering to overextend myself, or do something that isn’t realistic or dangerous to my health. But really, especially on weeks 2 and 3, I feel mostly normal, or at least “new normal.” I would love to help and to do for others. I would love to give back to my friends and the communities that have given us so much.

Please let me decide what I can or shouldn’t do. Include me, and let me feel like I’m part of your community, able to give back. I promise I will be responsible for myself: I am with directing my healthcare, and I will with accepting the agreements that I make. Most of you have asked what you can do to help. There it is. Let me be a part of your lives as you’ve made yourselves part of mine.